


The key to my heart

by Juverworld



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BeFoUr, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Helpful Niall, Kissing, LIam's POV, Liam missing Zayn, Liam-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pinning, Post-Zayn One Direction, after Zayn's leaving the band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6303508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juverworld/pseuds/Juverworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He didn’t want to go and we didn’t want him to go, we all know that, yeah? So it was wrong to do something everyone was against, yeah? So there must have been a really good reason for him to do that, right? And if there is something bigger that he’ll achieve because of leaving, isn’t it worth it after all? So – isn’t it a right decision to make knowing that? That it’s for a greater aim? So, the right wrong then. He’s always been like that. Giving up one thing to get another, better. (...) And we don’t actually know what it was, apart from the fact he’s always wanted to make his own music, which is not enough.” Liam sums it up, shaking his head a little.</p><p>	“He left because of you.” Niall states bluntly after a while as if it was nothing. “And I think it’s high time you tell him how you feel.”</p><p>	Or the one where Liam tries to understand the meaning behind Zayn's new single in an attempt to figure out what was the real reason for him to leave the band.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The key to my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! x  
> you can find me on tumblr (well-fuckificare)

            The day „BeFoUr” is released Liam doesn’t know what to do with himself. He knows he is the one supposed to figure it all out, keeping in mind how Zayn had told him he’d leave some hints for him because he knows Liam’s always been able to understand him most, but for now it seems like just too much for him to handle. There is Louis running around the flat yelling something about ‘how unfair it was of Malik to make such an obvious allusion to them’ and ‘how fed up he felt with all of it’, then there is Harry chasing after Louis and trying to calm him down, and at last there is also Niall, who is drinking his beer from eight in the morning and playing FIFA all by himself, only telling them to shut up from time to time. Liam’s at a loss for words.

            “Give me that lyrics.” He sighs finally, getting up from the bed and deciding that whether he likes it or not, he won’t be able to rest in peace unless he comes up with enough of an explanation about the song. He reads it once and twice, but it doesn’t make any sense at all and the only thing he can think of is how Zayn must have hated people constantly talking about him leaving One Direction and sending him never-ending backlash. Especially since lots of them had no idea about what was really going on and what made him do that. They didn’t even know him in person, but were writing things about it and posting them all over the internet, as if they had any right to judge him. He sighs again, knowing there must be something else to it, because of how Zayn’d said something about him having ‘the key’ or whatever it was…

            “Leeyuum..” he’d drawn his name in his usual manner. “You know you’ve got the key to my.. everything. _Everything_ , you realize that, right?” he’d asked. “I’m sure when time comes, you’ll know. I can’t explain it to you now, it’s too hard for me, okay? But I’ll leave you hints, yeah? You’ve always been so good at reading my mind. You’ll know.” He’d finished and left. And they’ve never been okay after that. They still miss him, still wonder what if, even though it’s been a year, almost. Obviously Liam misses him the most. There are nights when he wakes up sweating and crying for his best friend to come back. There are also nights when he dreams of confessing his love and living happily ever after. There are mornings when he’s weeping because nobody lies beside him in the bed, and he doesn’t know what home feels like anymore. It’s weird because he knows there is his own flat in London and even if not that, there is his family back in Wolverhampton, but he still can’t get rid of the feeling that his _home_ ’s never felt more like a person than after Zayn’d left. Because those mornings he would just wake up feeling homeless. And it doesn’t help that him and Zayn still call each other or once in a while have a meet up. He misses him right here, on his side. So he can’t really let it go at that. He knows in those few singles Zayn’s released already is everything he needs to know. And he’ll find it, that for sure.

            Two days pass before Liam is finally bursting into the recording room with a revelation. He tried to call Zayn and talk to him, but the other guy neither picked up nor called back. Liam figured things despite any of that though. At least some of them, as the other guy said he would.

            “It’s not an allusion!” He exclaims to the other three and they all look at him immediately with confusion all over their faces.

            “What’s not an allusion?” Niall asks dumbfounded.

            “The song, it’s not an allusion. You know, _BeFoUr_ it’s not a ‘before something’ or anything related to _Four_. Or generally nothing to do with our cooperation – It’s a command!” he yells excitedly.

            “A command? Command about what?” Harry asks cautiously, leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder.

            “You know, it’s really easy, it’s a _‘be four’_ , like, just commanding us to stay the way we are, the four of us. Here –“ he shows them a paper with lyrics printed on it and points to the beginning with his finger. “He says _‘I’ve done this before, not like this’_ , right? And I was confused at first, like, did he mean singing or what? But no, look – remember the way he used to disappear for days when he was still in our band? Like, times when something was on his mind and he would just doze off for a while or vanish for a day or – or a week and nobody would be able to tell what he’s up to? Remember how it’d been a surprise to us the first few times, when we’d been worried and actually even slightly panicked and nobody would calm down until he was back, and then we just got used to it and we’d just wait it out, knowing he’s perfectly fine and just needs time for himself because he’s dealing with something he wouldn’t talk about? He tries to tell us this is the case now. He left, right, not like the way he used to, the way we’re used to, but it’s actually pretty much the same, and he tells us to be the way we were when he wasn’t around before. To just be ourselves, calm and happy and just – to just know he’s perfectly fine and only needs time for himself because he has to deal with something he won’t tell, yeah?” Liam finishes with an excited glow in his eyes. “Now I just need to figure out what he’s actually dealing with..” he then adds as an afterthought, sighing exhaustedly.

            “Yeah, well, it does kinda make sense, but like, what about the rest of it?” Louis asks impatiently.

            “I think the _‘right wrongs’_ means literally what it says, you know. Like, leaving the band – it was a right wrong here, if you know what I mean?” Liam replies hurriedly, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

            “No, we don’t?” Louis looks at him like an idiot which has him sighing again and rolling his eyes exasperatedly.

            “He didn’t want to go and we didn’t want him to go, we all know that, yeah? So it was wrong to do something everyone was against, yeah? So there must have been a really good reason for him to do that, right? And if there is something bigger that he’ll achieve because of leaving, isn’t it worth it after all? So – isn’t it a right decision to make knowing that? That it’s for a greater aim? So, the right wrong then. He’s always been like that. Giving up one thing to get another, better.”

            “I get it.” Niall says with a shrug. “I get it and I’m cool with it. I’m proud of him. Always have been.” He adds.

            “Yeah, me too.” Harry pipes in while Louis sits there with his arms still crossed and his lips in a pout. “I’m still curious about the pre-chorus’ meaning though.”

            “Oh, the _‘numb on a roof, set it on fire’_ thing?” Liam asks, and when Harry nods at it he continues. “Well, I think he’s referring to the time he was in the band, yeah? Like, being on top of the world for so long you feel numb out there, you’re high and it feels amazing but then – yeah, then there follows the _‘set it on fire’_ which to me means ‘letting go’ – I think he says he used to be on top of the world with us but let it go, he destroyed it for himself – and then why? So there’s that _‘Just to give me proof I’m living on a wire’_ which I think is a way of saying ‘to prove myself I’m still alive’, because what else could it be. And then we can wonder why he wouldn’t feel alive here, with us, but I think it has something to do with this thing he’s dealing with that caused his leaving in the first place. And we don’t actually know what it was, apart from the fact he’s always wanted to make his own music, which is not enough.” Liam sums it up, shaking his head a little.

            “He left because of you.” Niall states bluntly after a while as if it was nothing. “And I think it’s high time you tell him how you feel.”

            “He left – what?!”

            “Niall, Niall, I don’t think you should –“ starts Louis at the same time as Harry tries with:

            “Niall, you can’t just blurt things out like that!”

            “Wait, wait, wait, guys, what are you talking about?” Liam requests incredulously.

            “About your huge, _mutual_ crush on Malik, that you both try to hide since _forever_!” Niall exclaims without hesitation, while Louis and Harry both hide their faces in their hands at the tactless declarations of their friend.

            “A – what!?” Liam demands again, at a complete loss for words, with his mouth hung open and his eyes wide as balls.

            “You got it right the first time, no need to repeat, really.” Niall shrugs coolly. “Oh, come on, you know it’s true, don’t ya!” he then exclaims as Liam still sits there in astonishment. “Like the way he used to disappear – as you reminded us – and you’d be the only person who was ever able to find him and wouldn’t get their head chopped off for trying to talk to him when in that state. And the way you were also the only person _ever_ allowed to wake him up if we didn’t want to be eaten alive the first thing in the morning. And the way he’d curl up in your lap and let you mess with his hair even though _nobody_ was _ever_ allowed to even as much as touch it, unless they were a stylist. He’s private stylist, none else.” He points out disbelievingly. “Oh, and how he’d accompany you to the shop to do groceries though he’s never ever gone with any of us and especially _not_ in the morning, because – nobody knows it better than you – he loves his sleep almost as much as he loves you. End of discussion. If Zayn Malik puts anything or anyone before his sleep it means he must be in love.” He finishes pointedly. There’s a minute of silence after that, before Niall speaks again. “I hope I don’t have to also explain to you how much _you_ are in love with _him_ , do I?” he asks confusedly. “I  hope you got to realize that by now, right?”

            Liam stands up and leaves at that not saying another word. Niall stays where he was on the couch looking from Louis to Harry and the other way around with confusion still written on his face while Louis and Harry simultaneously shake their heads in defeat.

            It takes Liam another three days before he finally acknowledges things he’s been told by his band mate. He looks up _Pillowtalk, It’s You_ and _Like I Would_ before he finally realizes that indeed Zayn Malik has to be in love. He has his doubts at first thinking of the person Zayn would sing it all to, but each time he thinks it couldn’t be him the words of Zayn himself are coming back to him like bullets and make it hard for him to breathe. The hardest to think about is _Pillowtalk,_ because he really can’t stand looking at the one he's in love with kissing with somebody else, but he can tell that the song isn’t about the girl. The song is doing _things_ to him when he thinks that maybe Zayn also wanted this for them. That maybe he is not alone in his desires and maybe those habits he recalls from sharing a bedroom (along with a bed itself) with Zayn are actually what has inspired him to write this. Listening to _It’s You_ is easier, because he can differentiate the parts directed at the girl and the parts aimed at him. And he feels kind of guilty when realizing Zayn’d really wanted to hear things from him and he’d been lying, because he couldn’t bare his own feelings. And then there’s _Like I Would_ which breaks Liam’s heart. He wants nothing more than to run to Zayn and burst  with his love straight in his face. Or maybe rather kiss him, and explain later on. Preferably after hot sex in the hallway. And then on the couch. And in his bedroom. Yeah, after. And maybe also after a blowjob in the shower. They could take their time, right. So he takes his phone and dials the one number he knows by heart.

            Zayn doesn’t pick up.

            Liam mopes around for one day more.

            It hits him the next morning.

            _“Leeyuum.. You know you’ve got the key to my.. everything._ Everything _, you realize that, right?”_ echoes in his head for the millionth time this week. The key to Zayn’s flat lies peacefully in his wallet.

            It takes him around half an hour to get to the other guy’s apartment. He kind of expects him to not be home, but hopes he is at the same. His heart beats faster than ever while he puts the key in and opens the door. It is now or never.

            “Zayn?” he cries out coming in. “Zayn!” he repeats after a moment of silence, looking around the flat.

            “Upstairs!” he hears and all at once his body feels numb and his brain completely blank. He goes up nonetheless, trying to even his breathing and calm down the beat of his heart. “I was really hoping you’d come finally.” Zayn smiles to him the first thing when he reaches his room.

            “You know I wouldn’t have guessed if it wasn’t for Niall.” Liam tries looking anywhere but in these beautiful eyes right in front of him.

            “Bless Niall then, I knew he’d be useful one day, with his bluntness.” Zayn shakes his head fondly. “I was thinking you wouldn’t come if it freaked you out, so I hope since you’re here it means it didn’t?” he then asks tentatively.

            “If you’re trying to tell me you loved me, then no. And I really hope it’s that, because I love you too, and if it’s not, it’ll be the most embarrassing thing I’ve done, like, ever.” Liam responds and leans in for a kiss hurriedly, before Zayn’d manage to say anything and make him loose his chance. He pulls him in by the nape of his neck and attacks his lips vigorously as if his life depended on it. He doesn’t even think of Zayn responding or not before he pushes his mouth open and slides his tongue in, with his other hand already under Zayn’s tank top and up his spine.  But Zayn does respond, and those moans he lets out might be Liam’s favorite sound in the whole world. And when they finally pull apart to catch a breath Zayn laughs.

            “I’ve fucking dreamed about it since _forever_.” He says. “And forever is really, really long.”

            “I love you.” Liam states again, looking in his whiskey colored eyes.

            “Well, yeah, that too.” Zayn replies with a fond chuckle. “I mean, I have loved you since we were 18, yeah, like that song – was it One Direction, or what?” and Liam laughs too and kisses him once more and then again and again until his lips feel numb. “I really, really missed you, Li.”

            Liam feels home again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments will be greatly appreciated! (I mean it, I'd really like to hear your opinion on this story, so feel free to share whatever you think) x


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